I HAVE BEEN THINKING A LOT LATELY ...

And … that is much safer for folks that are around me a lot; me putting my brain in gear before I start spouting nonsense/gibberish/anger/etc.

When a couple of weeks ago, Thelma (HL’s sis-in-law) who was like a sister to me for over 50 years … was found dead one morning … I was numb. It seemed … even at the viewing … where she looked like she was sleeping … it was sur-real.

If you know me on the praying lists or spiritual discussion groups, you know I was having many health issues since August 2008. I was going to see Ricki who was still in the Care Center in DeQuincy … and sometimes I would cook some of his favorite foods. While in LSU/Shreveport … he ate very little ‘real food’ … although jello and pudding did go down OK. He had a tube in his throat for over 3 months … during all those surgeries he had … trying to get rid of the MRSA bacteria AND his throat was more than sore.

When I would go to DeQuincy alone; he would ask me to stay until he had to leave the room to do therapy of some kind. I did so … thanking our Sweet Jesus for his life and my being able to spend so much time with him … but …

When I would get in the RAV … it was like an oven. I suffered (in just one week) 2 bouts of heat exhaustion; the first put me in the ER for a few hours, getting an IV drip to re-hydrate me. The second one … I recognized the symptoms … and packed in ice after a cold shower … and drank lots of water.

Just before Thelma died … I started having body jerks in my torso and shoulders; no pain, just jerks that woke me up … and kept me up; sometimes walking the floor, just not to get back in bed … to jerk some more. And then my hands would shake all day.

Thelma and my cousin, Jessie Mae in Redmond WA told me that my body was finally telling my mind … to get some much needed rest. Yeah, right, I thought.

It got so bad that I did go to the doctor; smart young man … and right away … said ‘well, you had a lot of stress in the past few years … and your body is telling you to slow down’. WHAT; Thelma and JM were right. Of course, we pray a lot … but even the Cajun Traiteur prayers did not seem to help. Doc said ‘take a diazepam every night about an hour before you go to bed’. I DID; AND HAD 4 GREAT AND RESTFUL NIGHTS … and then they found Thelma dead.

My night that day … was bad, I thought; and I took another pill … because it had been over 8 hours … and allowed. I got up late … on the day of the viewing, finding out that we could go to the funeral home around 5 pm. So I rested some … here in front of the computer … and some in the living room; then took a shower to get ready to leave the house. HL told me ‘I do not want to go’. That was a shock.

But the next thing he told me … was more than a shock; it was a shocker.

Our local paper will put the name of a person in a square … with age and funeral home in charge. Well, Ms. Mobile phone lady friend called HL for the schedule of events … WHEN SHE COULD HAVE READ IT IN THE PAPER THE NEXT DAY.

When he told me that … I could not speak for a few seconds. Then I said ‘I certainly hope you told her that was none of her business (Thelma and her daughter, Shirley did not like this woman for what she had put me through for 3 years of talking to HL … every day and sometimes … more than once.) He told me he gave her the event times.

Here is where my mouth spouted (well, kinda shouted) words without my brain even being involved. ‘If she shows up while I am there, I will try to remove her from the building (said a little less than a shout) … (and him interrupting with … ‘not your business’) … (I went on … louder) … I will try to remover her from the building … quietly. If she refuses … you will see … not World War 3 nor 4 … but 5 and 6 combined’. And then I headed out the back door.

He said ‘I thought you did not feel like driving’ … and I reminded him that once I got on the highway in front of our house … it was a straight shot … about 4 miles to the edge of town and the funeral home. He said ‘wait; let me get dressed’.

We stayed about 45 minutes … and I wanted to stay for the rosary. He kept grunting and changing the position he was sitting in … so I finally agreed to leave. The next morning … we could be there from 8 am to noon … and then the church at 1 pm.

He would not go to the funeral home; and did not want to go to the cemetery.

Again, I thought … for him … because of his pain, I would do it his way.

That night between the viewing and funeral … my body was constantly jerking. Walking around … sitting in my recliner … up, down; up, down; nothing seemed to work … so when it was time for me to take another pill, I did … but it took over 2 hours to stop the jerking and let me get some sleep.

Now all this time … until yesterday … I blamed that really bad night on HL and his lady friend talking on the phone. She had been told a couple of years ago to stop calling … but she kept on. She was married to a cousin of mine … but he had died. But several close relatives in his family had died after him … and she called with the news … knowing that we get the local paper … and did not need her to give us any of the information.

But today … after the sudden idea popped into my mind; I realized … actually about
2 am … that it was not the phone call; it was the time I missed with my family … Thelma’s children, daughter-in-law, grandchildren … and even great-grandchildren.

That time can never be brought back to me. I mourn for my dear sister … who had a hard life … and I am sure she is with our Sweet Jesus or well on her way. But I also mourn for the missing … minutes; hours; days … that I will never be able to claim again.

My health has steadily improved since that time; even my fasting blood sugar readings have been good … and I am driving again. I thank every one who prayed for me … and know that is the largest part of my getting well. Doc did his part; but JESUS IS THE GREAT HEALER. This blog entry has brought me peace in my mind and heart. I hope to never get into that kind of health issue again.

I do want to say to our daughter … Faye (Sissy to many of you) and her daughter, Annie … who were there for me … and I found out a couple of days ago that Annie was afraid I was having a mental breakdown. Ohe, my sweet and Darling granddaughter … your prayers are always precious to me … knowing that … at one time … you found it hard to pray … and wanted to take all the blame for Jesus on the cross.

When our little Layla gets… here (sometime around June 25) we will again … be the 4 ladies on the road. Annie used to call us that when my mother was alive and we traveled to see her… or she was here … and then we did a lot of visiting.

Je t’aime … and DIEU TE BENISSE!!! GOD BLESS!!! Merci for your prayers. Macile

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Still reading it over and over ... and

Yes, I did; read it over and over; and since most of my blog entries are ad-lib, I have not changed a thing. Sometimes, I wish I had said something differently ... but then ... it would be planned ... calculated ... perfect English (instead of some Cajun slang thrown in) ... and as I told one person years ago ... I like writing like I talk ... it is just 'more me' that way.

Ricki ordered those small McD hamburgers again toda ... and really enjoyed them and the fries. I ... on the other hand ... ate his roast beef (so tender ... it could have just been inhaled, almost. And I love those school house buns. Yep, I made a small sandwich ... but ate the cornbread dressing also. Then just the protein ... well, the tomato and pickle too ... of my grilled chicken (half of a half of a breast ... yep, not a repeated ... really was a half of half of a breast ;-)

HL was not feeling good at all ... so I drove; and we only stayed about an hour. But Ricki is so much more clear headed now ... and everything we talk about makes a lot of sense. We were just filling in the blanks for him for the first few days in DeQuincy.

I often prayed that he not remember some of the things they did to him ... and did not do for him as he asked ... and ... GOD IS GOOD ... ALWAYS; AND IN ALL WAYS. He does ask if certain things really happened ... or did he dream it ... and most of it is real, although maybe a bit cloudy ... and we answer all his questions truthly. Would not want him to believe that those memories are fantasy. We wish we could help other folks in that ICU who are not being treated right ... physically. One thing is ... the medical treatments are the best to be had ... if the staff 'of the day' is in the mood to work with the patient. Certain nurses were so dedicated ... and others were so lazy and unconcerned. I always say 'if you do not like sick folks, do not go into the medical field' ... and ... 'if you do not like kids, do not become a teacher'.

My vertigo is better so I will be heading off to Mass in a few. Hope all of you had a pleasant and peaceful weekend ... and ... >>>unhappy that I am not in Kansas City today ... but ... IN GOD'S TIME; I am sure Sissy and I will get there eventually.

Je t'aime ... and ... DIEU TE BENISSE!!! GOD BLESS!!! Macile JESUS, I trust in YOU!!!

I am gonna try to write with my heart today ... but

the visit to see Ricki and bring him some home cooked food ... is just so new in my mind, I may not get this done. I have so many things that I want to say; but to me ... it sounds like I am trying to second guess GOD ... or even take control.

The saying 'let go and let GOD' is one motto that I try to live by; but fail so often ... it puts me to wandering ... 'why say it, if you are not going to do it'. An awesome lady that I know (and finally got to meet in June) ... mostly closes her blog entries with ... 'striving to be perfect; knowing that will only come as we reach our heavenly home with Jesus'. Now, do not quote me; it does not seem to be 'just right' as she says it ... but that sentence relays her feelings, I do believe.

There are so many feelings around Ricki; like only driving 30 minutes or so ... and Voila ... there he is. He is right next to an outside door ... and so we do not have to go through the front ... and all the activities going on; and it is a long walk for both HL and me.

My first impression of the building (and the shape it is in) was 'a smelly old nursing home' ... and 'how can they help him here, when that huge and clean hospital could not'? But that changed as soon as we met the Director of Nursing, the Wound Care Nursing director, and a few of the aids that are helping ... getting him cleaned up and the wounds treated and new banadages put on.

That is a good and gracious bunch of folks. They (when in the room with him and working on him) have him and only him on their minds. And he assured us, when none of them were listening ... 'they are so much more kinder and caring than at LSU'. Praise GOD!

And they are ... changing the dressing and putting on more anti-biotic cream on the wound near his tailbone ... TWICE A DAY; and his chest ... ONCE A DAY. AWESOME!!! LSU did them each ... once a week. Ohe, GOD ... why??? Again searching for answers ... rather than praying with 'an attitude of gratitude' that he is now is such good hands.

And he just called; worried about how hard this 'going almost every day' is for his dad and me; not only physically but emotionally. Like I told him; 'it may sink in later ... but right now, we are just so elated to have him close by'; and he thrives on company. Riley was there today with Trudy and ... she and her pawpaw ... got to play.

I am going to put this aside for now. And I may even edit ... or ... delete ... later when things fix better in my heart and mind. DIEU TE BENISSE!!!

A LONG TIME BETWEEN ENTRIES

I did not realize it has been that long (April 16, it says) but our lives have been in such an uproar ... between HL's pain management; Ricki (still in ICU in Shreveport ... and that is a hard trip ... Sissy and I make in one day ... when HL is with us ... we stayed 3 ... each of the 2 times); Sissy trying to get all the laborers in line to finish the house ... and she and I went to the wedding in CA of my deceased sister's granddaughter. All that has been like a whirlwind.
Soooo ... just keep reading ... and visit the pages of my friends who blog also, mostly spiritually; and I will try to get back on schedule soon.
Funny thing is ... I have been reading and commenting on the blogs of those friends (mostly members of the stjames224 group) and so it feels like I have STILL been talking to all of you.
Merci for the prayers ... and come back soooooon.

UNCALLED FOR; AMBULANCE AND COP CARS

About a couple of months ago in the daytime, HL came toward the house from our pond ... which is only about 9 acres away ... but with a couple of curves and plenty of weeds, you cannot see the house until you are about 4 acres closer. As he rounded the last curve, he saw an ambulance at our front door, with the lights going ... but no siren and rushed to see what was going on. >>>It was when I had vertigo so bad.<<<
Two EMTs were in the cab, doing paper work on a clipboard. Our front door was closed, but from my computer room, I cannot see the driveway, much less who was at the front door. However, they assured them that they had NOT knocked yet. ***Good thing it was not an urgent 911 call.*** So then he had to go to the back door; maybe a minute more than if the front door was unlocked. He came in, slamming the door and hollering for me.
Imagine his surprise when I was looking into the kitchen ... and he can see me after about 4 or 5 steps toward the sink. I could not 'figger' out what all the hallow-ba-looooo was.
Well, I was on line; so no one could have used my internet line to dial out. They were satisfied with seeing me ... and knowing there was no emergency. But they claimed the call came from 3187 ... and that was impossible, we assured them
Now, on Monday night (4/15; around 1:30 am); BAM, BAM, BAM ... AND ... it was NOT Emeril. HL said 'be quiet' and took his pistol and went into the living room. BAM, BAM AND BAMBAMMMMM. They were determined to wake someone.
He said 'who is it?' and as the voice came back 'sheriff dept' ... I saw one of them step up on the bottom step and could see his patch on his shirt sleeve. I could also see the legs of one of them on the porch. I told HL that ... so he opened the door slightly, with his pistol hanging down at his side, but where it could be seen. Needless to say, he was being cautious; but still, wanted to be ready if the voice outside was lying. >>>They could have prevented all that anxiety by having their whirling lights on ... but only had on their headlights and there were 3 guys ... each in their own car. 'What is the emergency' was from the guy on the porch.
HL said 'I do not know what you are talking about.' About that time, someone saw the gun in his hand at the same time that he realized the uniforms and the cars were real.
The guy on the porch said 'I do not blame you; I would not have opened my door without my gun in hand.' They chatted a bit; 'do you have a computer' ... and I explained ... a laptop that I always turn off ... and since I get into several bank accounts (all with the padlock; but I am still leary about this new fangled gadgets) I always unplug the phone line. ;-) Yep, I do.
Sooooooooo your guess is as good as mine. We still do not know why or how that phone call was made. HL thinks it was our address but in Westlake (70669 instead of our 70663 because we get their mail and they get ours). Sissy and I think it was one of the many computers under the communication tower. Will probably never know. But if it happens again, I am going to be a lotttttttt more curious ... and ask a lot of questions.
For now; GOD IS GOOD ... ALWAYS; AND IN ALL WAYS. (Yes, we both thought it was bad news about Ricki or one of his boys [Daniel works nights] ... we praise our Sweet Jesus ... that it was just a glitizzzzz in some machine. DIEU TE BENISSE!!!

Ricki is stable; but no where near release

Merci for all the prayers for our son, Ricki who is stable but not getting any better ... and for all of those who do not know ... a six day hospital stay for a triple by-pass has extended to a month and 4 days. (Surgery 3/11 ... and he now has a staph infection ... had two more surgeries and is his chest is laid open so they can clean the bacteria out a couple of times a day.) Any and all prayers are deeply appreciated. And I can be reached on this website ...
macilehooperlejeune. com DIEU TE BENISSE!!! Cajun Sissy Macile

I AM SUCH A ... WEIRD ... COWARD

HL left just before the Mass came on EWTN. I thought; watch it and let it take you out of yourself and the 'why, me/us/our family' mode. Praying always helps. NOPE!
Ricki came back from surgery around 3 am; held back because a 13 year old had a farm accident and they were trying to save his arm. Pray for him and his family.
At 10:30 this morning, R was resting ... still knocked out ... so he could get some strength back into his tired body. And he will probably have to go on dialysis.
I just got off the phone with Trudy; he is resting, in isolation and wanting her beside him every time he wakes up. They cannot sedate him too much; his b/p falls too low. And we know what could happen. His dr give the worst case secernio because he says if he sugar-coats the facts and then the patient almost dies or does die ... the family is hurt worse. I believe that and so does Trudy. We want to know the worst that can happen ... and then pray for better outcome. As if GOD does not already know how we love Ricki and want him well and home.
So Mama (me) is looking for strength of mind and soul; and >>>that will happen as I read the reading of the Mass along with the lector ... and listen to the sermon. NOPE!!!
I have always feared ... (get this now) ... the 23rd Psalm. ***The Lord is my Shepherd***. What's to fear? THE TRUTH IS THE TRUTH; HE is our Shepherd; He will steer (herd) us right ... as long as we are willing to follow the TRUTH.
But I always associate it with sympathy cards. When my mom had her thyroids removed ... I was writing to our troops in Vietnam. I went to see her about an hour after learning that one of my favorite guys had been killed. And there on her table beside her bed ... a beautiful get well card ... with ... yep; the 23rd Psalm.
Father Dominic said Mass; and what a homily. (Pay attention, Dean; he could be your big brother ... so take care of your hair. ;-) He said >>>Jesus is the Main Shepherd; Pope next in line (although part of the flock); then Bishops, priests ... on down the line (all part of the flock; but leaders also; even us ... who have no title except laity); we should lead all we meet to the Truth; always evangelizing.<<<
Take heed; my kith and kin; and new readers. 'Much is expected to whom much is given.' I keep saying 'Jesus, I trust in YOU'. When will I start to believe and act upon that; and show some 'gratitude'. DIEU TE BENISSE!!!